Here's a sure-fire, 3-step process to conflict resolution, which I have named, interestingly, the 3 Step Method to Conflict Resolution! And please, do not ask me to explain what the name means - it's a little complicated to go through those details, and frankly, you wouldn't care!
I have applied these methods with colleagues, friends, family and even my cat a few times (with not much success, I must admit.. but that's just because I missed a couple of steps here and there...)!
So go ahead, try it out, and let me know how you do! And yes, if these don't work - try some Yoga. No, it doesn't really help, but what the heck, you got nothing to lose!
Step 1: Determine
Ask the question "Do we want to resolve this conflict?". If it's a Yes (from both partners in the conflict!), go to Step 2. If no, get into your Yoga suit.
Most conflicts fall in one of these two categories:
a) Misunderstandings, miscommunications, or mistakes that lead to a rough patch OR
b) A real breaking off of the relationship, where one or both of the parties want to walk away.
If neither of the two parties really want to walk away, every conflict can be resolved in the next two steps. If one wants to walk away, there's nothing left to fight for.
Step 2: Isolate and Destroy
Once you have agreed to resolve the conflict, have a one-on-one heart-to-heart soul-to-soul (now you've got it) talk with your partner and isolate every incident, every prick (THORN, you perverted idiot!). Categorize it (see below), and then get over it - No, NO GOING BACK TO THE ARGUMENT TABLE - remember, you have decided you want to RESOLVE the conflict.
a) Events/Incidents: If what's bothering you is an event, remember, you cannot roll it back. A simple apology, given and taken, should be enough. Discuss and agree not to do it again, or if there is some compromise/workaround acceptable to both partners - then move on to the next item on the laundry list. A good idea, if the partners are ready to communicate, is to discuss the event threadbare, and clear out any remaining misunderstandings. Remember, not matter how crystal clear a situation may seem to you, THERE MAY ALWAYS BE ANOTHER SIDE TO IT!
b) Emotions/Feelings/Perceptions/Beliefs: These are critical, and are typically to blame for most conflicts. What you think about what happened... and you think it's the truth! NO! That's what you think!! That may NOT be the truth. Do NOT think for your partner, do not tell your partner what he thinks. Do not tell the partner why he did what he did! Tell him how you feel about it, and let him explain his side. Remember, you may BOTH be right - it's an emotion, a perception, and it's almost never in black and white! There's no one right!
Step 3: Move On - Life's Too Short
Put the conflict behind and move on! Life's too short to spend on one conflict!
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